The Brick Wall
I can see that with Matt. I can e-mail that to Matt. I can talk about that with Matt. I’ll laugh about that for the 100th time with Matt.
No… I can’t. And a split second later when I remember that I can’t it’s like hitting a brink wall at speed. I go from 60 to nothing in no time. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I am with, at that point there is no one around me, no sound, no present time. There is only what feels like a vacuum or gaping hole in my self.
But I’ll leave you with a memory. As kids we all used to enjoy playing off-the-wall against the building behind our house. We usually used a Super Pinky or a rubber baseball. But this one day Matt ended up out there with a golf ball. Now, just to set the scene, let me tell you he was no where close to the wall. He let the golf ball fly and that thing came right back at full speed (I am really thinking it must have hit the ground and taken a bad bounce) and hit him square in the nose. Other than blood I don’t recall the damage done, but it’s one of those things we reminisced and laughed about so many times over the years.
Dear Matthew,
Today is September 5th, I’ve been meaning to leave a note since the 3rd, it would be five months since you’ve left us. It was hard to find the words and doesn’t get any easier. I miss your smile. I miss so many things about you too numerous to mention. Just know that I think about you every day in some way. Mom
Looks like you did what Mom asked Matt. Paul came through the surgery just fine. Now, if you can, please see what you can do to make the sun come out today, this labor day weekend. You know we miss and love you. Always waited for you to offer to bbq, and you always did such a good job. Just another memory I have of you. We may cookout today if you can help with the sun.
Love you Matt.
Dad
Thanks Matt, 2 hours was more than enough.
Matthew, I don’t remember the story of the brick wall. But here’s another thing-remember your baby blanket that I found a some time ago and you kept it on your bed here. Well I wont you to know I have it under my pillow and I keep it close and think “Matthew is here, watching over me”
Watch over Paul today while he is having surgery.